Disclaimer: Yet another post unrelated to beauty... read it if you wanna learn about relationships we keep in life. Be it personal, family, love, work, business, life...
Heard of this?
"You made me feel complete. Without you, I am nothing."
Are you one of them?
Have you ever...
Changed yourself for your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Why? Did he ask you to? To prove that you really love him? To change in order to fit the picture he paints about his girl of his dreams? Are both of you happy now? Have things changed? Do you feel unworthy of her/ him?
If they finally come to a place where they can believe you love them, they begin to worry about how long they can keep your love. So, in order to hold onto your love, they start altering their behavior. Thus two people literally lose themselves in a relationship. They get into the relationship hoping to find themselves, and they lose themselves instead.
This losing of the Self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness & resentment in most couples.
They entered relationships for the wrong reasons - to fill a gap, or simply find someone to love them- came together hoping the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts, only to find less.
They feel less than when they were single. Less capable, less able, less exciting, less attractive, less joyful, less content. This is because they are less.
They've given up most of who they are in order to be and to stay in the relationship, or simply just to have a relationship. They can't be alone. Every minute they need to feel wanted & loved. Something is missing and they are missing the point.
Relationships are not meant to be this way. Yet this is how most people experienced relationships.
WHY?
Because people have lost touch (if they ever were in touch before) with the purpose of relationships.
Here's the job you came here to do. The joy of creating Self. You are evolving, you are changing, you are becoming. It is Self conscious.
You need time to work on your Self first before you can acknowledge who you are and becoming. Before you are truly ready to love others or to receive love.
You must first see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy.
"Blessed are the Self-centered, for they shall know God. And nothing shakes them."
If you put the cart before the horse, you will one day resent it. You will never get to where you wish to go. No matter how your heart calls out to you, no matter what signals God sends you, you are just going in circles, going back to square one. But you still feel the frustration and attachment. Then you stepped away from feeling it, brushing it aside.
So there are things you can do when you react with pain and hurt to what another is being, saying or doing. 1st is to admit to yourself and to the other exactly what you are feeling. This many of you are afraid to do, because you think it will make you "look bad". Somewhere, deep inside you, you probably feel it is ridiculous to feel that way and you are bigger than that. But you cant help it and still feel that way. You are living a lie. You want to take the safer route. You want to lose the least.
Why do you always want to be right? Is it really right? Or just you believe so?
That is why Masters are imperturbable in the face of what others might call calamity.
Well intentioned, well meaning, very religious as you think it is, many did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly it is abuse, continued dysfunction in the relationship. Ultimately the person trying to do right is quick to forgive, look past the problems and behaviors, feign patience & forgiveness becomes resentful and unchanging. They suffer in silence.
You cannot have it all until you are willing to give it all up.
Holding onto something doesn't mean it's been a success. Staying in one because you "have to". Do not confuse longevity with a job well done. Many years in a relationship doesn't mean it is fantastic. Many years in a job doesn't mean you are expert in it.Unless you want to continue living a lie or a long life of quiet desperation where you enjoy repeating these patterns from your past.
The truth is relentless. It keeps creeping up on you from every side, showing you what it is. You may find it tempting yet confusing.
Do you seem to be going round in circles?
That's because you keep asking the same question in 3 different ways hoping to hear a different answer. You keep asking, hoping God will say something different each time. This is not working.
The goal is not about how long you can stay in relationships.
The goal is to decide decide and experience who you are capable of becoming.
Find yourself. Define yourself.
Recreate yourself.
Find time for yourself. What you want, who you want to be, what kind of love you seek.
Define the real you. Your feelings and your dreams. You are never too far. Life leaves trails for you to track.
Recreate the kind of relationship your Subsconscious has been hinting at you to go forth and chase it.
This is just Part One.
~ xoxo,
MakeUpByGelainza
Beauty Editor
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